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q VALLEY REALTY

PAGE 47

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q WA Newspapers
 LOCAL EDITORIAL
 
Testing, testing
We're back...
SUNNYSIDE day (9-30-99)--The Yakima Valley News has been on a "sabbatical" for a short season, taking time out to stock ammunition and reload.
 
We've obtained some C-4 plastic for our new office just in case. Can't tell when you might need a get-it-done explosive.
 
And we gave our cat, Calicoco, a start when we fired a few .44 rounds through the ceiling the other day. Maybe now she's learned to come when we whistle.
 
If it isn't one thing, it's another--now the roof leaks. One of the rounds brought down a great blue heron and feds are swarming all over the place.
 
We give thanks to the few folks who had the clout to queer the Monson feedlot deal while we were gone. Because the people here can't live without their daily 6.5-billion cow farts--greater than the entire atmosphere of Mars.
 
It stinks so bad it hurts our feelings.

If there were no Monson's, however, Sunnyside might become a ghost town. Manure molecules whiz around in the noses of local residents, forcing them to live here forever, because most are too dizzy to find their way out.

 
See you around town.
 
--Oaky Doaky (LA)